There, there. I know, I know, you want to be me, but you can’t. I bet that makes life a chore. But you’re a good sport about it, aren’t you? Of course you are. Unlike some who cannot handle not being me, you haven’t made any threatening phone calls. Good on you.
Bob Hammond here. I know, no introduction is necessary in that my reputation as a best selling author and rival to “The Most Interesting Man in the World” precede me, but I wanted to make sure I had your attention.
There’s been a bit of controversy as of late over my bestsellerdom. It seems that some jealous, obviously less successful, authors have contacted booksellers trying to undermine my bestseller status. They’ve been trying to dig up dirt, report sock puppet reviews, and have my unique and innovative book categories revoked. All because they can’t be like me – they feel the need to reduce me to their level. Well, I hate to tell them – but there can be only one Bob Hammond. I talk about this at length in my new book There Can Be Only One.
I keep hearing this phrase “sock puppetry.” Frankly, I find that revolting, and a good way to get athlete’s foot on one’s hands. Perhaps only poor folk use that type of entertainment. Not Bob Hammond.
And since I *am* Bob Hammond, there is nothing wrong with my books being categorized the way they are on Amazon. I don’t need to resort to any kind of trickery to be at the top of the bestsellers lists.
Just remember, while you’re sorry you can’t be me, I’m not. There can, in fact, be only one Bob Hammond, and we all know who that is.