Following fast on the heels of the news that J.K. Rowling wrote The Cuckoo’s Calling under the pseudonym of Robert Galbraith, author Chris James today admitted it was actually J.K. Rowling who wrote all his books. In a stunning announcement that has turned the publishing world on its feet then back on its head, James said:
“Yes, I’m afraid so. For the last three years I’ve been lying to all of you, and I’m deeply sorry, ashamed, and distraught. But now it’s time to reveal the truth. I bumped into Joanne in a café a few years back, and she asked me to self-publish these ground-breaking science fiction novels on her behalf, because she wanted to know how they would fare if everyone thought they’d been written by an unknown author. Well, she certainly got her answer!
“However, I can’t go on any longer with this shameful pretence. I cannot look my children in the eye again and tell them that their daddy wrote the books dedicated to them. I must end this empty charade! In my abject misery into which this revelation has thrown me, I only hope that you, my dear readers, will find a small place in your hearts to forgive me for this hopelessly cynical betrayal. I promise I won’t do it again.”
James’ news release also came with this boilerplate disclaimer:
None of this is true. Ms Rowling is of course entitled to leave as extensive a literary legacy as she wishes. However, it is not necessary for her to publish under a pseudonym to find out how crappy things are for unknown authors, and then reveal herself to drive the previously ignored novel to the top of the bestseller lists. There are a great many talented authors trying to tell original stories who work very bloody extremely hard at trying to get readers, and in such environment Ms Rowling publishing under a pseudonym is as necessary as this blog post.
I don’t read disclaimers.
THIS JUST IN: STEPHEN KING ADMITS HE IS J.K. ROWLING
In another stunning admission that turned the publishing world slightly to the left and then over at a forty-five degree angle, sources close to King came forward with a statement:
“It started when Stephen lost a bet to Clive Cussler. The woman whom the public knows as J.K. Rowling is an actress King hired to perpetuate the illusion.”
Well. All-in-all, a pretty standard week. You may now resume your normal activities.