Author D.V. Berkom is pleased to announce the release of her new thriller, BAD TRAFFICK, A Leine Basso Novel.
Identified as a person of interest in three cold case murders, retired assassin Leine Basso is told to remain in Los Angeles until the investigation concludes. As a favor to Detective Santiago Jensen, she accepts a temporary position as a security specialist for A-list actor Miles Fournier, who believes he is the target of kidnappers. Leine finds she has her hands full trying to protect the head-strong celebrity.
To complicate matters, a woman claiming to be Miles’ long-lost sister appears and begs him to use his considerable resources to find her twelve-year-old daughter, Mara, who has been abducted by sex-traffickers.
[This is a satirical article. If you want instruction on how to write a romance novel from someone who actually knows what they’re talking about, try this article. – The Administrators.]
In my last installment, I shared with you the formula for writing a blockbuster action/adventure bestseller. I really can’t believe you missed it, but in case you did, you can read it here. In this installment, I’m going to give you the top secret formula for writing the romance novel that people just can’t resist. That includes the people in Hollywood. They’re going to be banging down your door to get their hands on this one, so watch out. I hope you’re prepared for all that fame and fortune, because it’s coming!
What makes me think I can tell you how to do this? Well, sure, I haven’t actually written a romance novel, but there is romance in my novels. Also, they filmed Failure to Launch and The Wedding Crashers right near where I lived. Not good enough? I’ve won awards, for crying out loud. Whether they have anything to do with writing doesn’t matter, really. They’re awards. Be impressed and shut up.
Now let’s get to it. Follow my advice below, and you’ll be Hollywood-bound, my friend!
“Who wants to do a tutorial on animated gifs?” asked Kat one day, while we minions huddled together over a bowl of gruel for warmth.
“I’ll give it a go,” I volunteered, all brave-like. “I want to animate a header for a website I’m working on anyway, it’ll be a good chance to learn how.” The minions sniggered, I’m sure I heard someone whisper, “geek”.
“Well, make it simple.” Kat, whip in hand, was attempting to balance on her new three-inch stiletto-heeled boots, a gift from Santa. Allegedly. “I’ve only made them in Photoshop so far and that’s too much of a drama.”
I got a bit nervous, Kat actually knew this stuff. “Um, do writers really need to know about animated gifs?” The other minions grinned and started passing notes around.