The last thing zaftig middle-aged journalist, Rhoda Ginsburg, expected when she signed up for JDate was to fall for a vampire. But when she meets drop-dead gorgeous Sheldon, a Hasidic vampire, she falls hard. She rationalizes that he may not be alive, but at least he’s Jewish.
She learns that back in the nineteenth century Sheldon was a rabbi who was turned into a vampire by Count Dracula, an anti-Semite who got his kicks from turning Orthodox Jews into vampires because then they’d have to drink blood, which isn’t kosher.
Desperate to save the life of her terminally ill mother, Fanny, she comes up with the crackpot idea of getting Sheldon to turn Fanny and her friends into vampires. Once she becomes a vampire, Mom tires of her boring life in Century Village, Florida, and, seeking thrills, she goes clubbing and disappears into the nightlife of South Beach in Miami. When Fanny and her friends “go rogue” and start preying on the young, Norma and Sheldon must find and save them.
After saving Mom, Rhoda and Sheldon realize they need to save their own relationship. They go for counseling to Reb Shmuley Boteach, the famous Hasidic relationship counselor who comes up with a way to reconcile their two different worlds– kosher and non-kosher, religious and secular, bloodlust and compulsive eating, vampire and human. Interview with a Jewish Vampire turns vampire lore on its head, proving that not all vampires are young and beautiful and it IS possible to be undead and kosher.
Interview with a Jewish Vampire
by Erica Manfred
We stopped at the first gas station we saw. Tess got out to pump.
“Shouldn’t I do that?” Sheldon asked. .
“I’m a vampire, not a little old lady. I can pump gas,” Tess huffily replied, grabbing the hose and stuffing it into the tank.
“Hurry up, why dontcha,” a beefy man with a ponytail yelled from his pickup behind us. There was only one pump and we were at it. He turned to the blonde next to him and sneered, “This old broad is going to take all week to finish pumping gas.”
I heard a growling from the back and then the door opened and Mom flew at the man, yanking open the door of his truck and instantly latching onto his neck with her teeth. She clung to him and I heard a sucking sound.
“Mom!” I yelled. “Get back in the car.”
Sheldon looked horrified and went after her and grabbed her so quickly I barely saw him move. The man held his neck with an expression of horror and disbelief, staring at Mom. I’m sure he had no idea what hit him.
“Tess, let’s get out of here quick,” Sheldon yelled.
Tess moved fast, pulling the hose out of the tank and jumping back into the van. Luckily she’d used a credit card.
We zipped back onto the road and Sheldon turned to Mom. “Fanny, what were you thinking?
“I wasn’t thinking. I’m so tired of being put down by young people. They think we’re dirt. It was automatic. Plus I’m hungry.”
“Geez, Mom, you have to control yourself. You could get into a lot of trouble.” I said.
“You could get us all into trouble, Fanny,” Tess said. “We try to fly under the radar, metaphorically that is.”
“I’m so sorry,” Mom said, sounding truly remorseful. “I’ll try to control myself from now on. It’s just so strange being in this body. I have impulses I never knew existed.”
“You’ll learn, Sweetie,” Tess smiled at her. “Just follow what I do.”
“Mom, give me your dentures. That should make you pretty harmless.”
She obediently handed them over. I asked Tess, “Do dentures grow fangs? What if you’re a toothless vampire?” I’d noticed that Sheldon’s incisors turned into fangs when he was excited. He hadn’t plunged them into me … yet.
“We have vampire dentists who make retractable fangs for dentures. When they’re in the vampire’s mouth dentures act like real teeth, but they’re removable. It’s very handy.”
“Live and learn.” I grimaced. “Or rather die and learn.”
Mom settled down but still looked pretty unhappy. I held her hand, which seemed to help.
“Hope you’re not going to go after me, Mom,” I said, trying to make a lame joke.
“Rhoda, don’t be ridiculous. You’re my daughter. I would never hurt you. I didn’t know what I was doing back there. It was like there was a monster inside me. I wasn’t myself at all. This whole vampire thing isn’t going to be easy.”