Hormones. You can’t live with too many, and you can’t live without enough. Yes, my friend, without the proper hormone balance you will curl up like the feet of the Wicked Witch of the West when Dorothy removed the Ruby Slippers. Hormones are fascinating little buggers, and incredibly useful to the premenstrual writer. Sit back and enjoy the scene below as written by a woman in the grips of estrogen dominance.
One evening I sat at the kitchen table and watched my husband walk around the pool surveying his kingdom. Suddenly, I detested him and was determined to arrest his ability to suck in oxygen that should have rightly been mine. I imagined myself as a White Ninja, creeping stealthily up behind him, unsheathing the gleaming weapon I had sharpened only that morning. He turned, eyes widening as the swoosh of my sword smoothly sliced across his neck, decapitating him. It was a clean and perfect cut. His head bounced twice landing in the pool, the crimson clouds spreading smoothly like crimson cumulus clouds.
That was so much fun. My mind drifted back to reality as I sipped my chilled chardonnay and contemplated my homicidal attack. I realized my only regret in this mentally satisfying vision was my inability to reach out quickly and grab the fine crystal glass he was drinking from before it crashed to the stone pavers and shattered into a million pieces. This alone was a pitiful waste of beauty.
There are authors who have made a name for themselves writing about female hormones and the cycle of insanity they can cause. Laugh all you want, but be sure to respect your hormones, and their power over your life. Especially your wife’s hormones. Smart men do.
While researching hormones I came across one I had never read about. Oxytocin otherwise known as the “love hormone” is a natural motivator for murder and mayhem. Lack of this hormone has been proven in scientific studies to cause extreme antisocial behavior, narcissism and manipulative tendencies. Those who have an abundance of oxytocin are cuddly like soft, white kittens and mate for life like mourning doves. I myself am feeling cuddly and sweet this morning, so my oxytocin must be pumping. This is a good time to finish that love scene I started yesterday. Kiss Kiss.
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L. A. Lewandowski is a Contributing Author for Indies Unlimited and author of the novel, Born To Die – The Montauk Murders. For more information, please see the IU Bio Page and her blog:cultureandcuisineclub.com.[subscribe2]