Tag: fake-outs

The Genre Analyzing Generator

automated reciprocator
The stylish GAG, shown here in antique chrome

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Here at IULabs, we take pride in creating products designed to help indie authors. It’s all about making life easier and taking your money. And the Genre Analyzing Generator (or GAG) is yet another in a long line of inventions to assist authors in finding their niche and making money!

The great thing about the GAG is how easy it is to use – and how accurate it is! We know it can sometimes be a chore to decide under what genre to classify your magnum opus. Don’t sweat it! Just feed your manuscript into the GAG and it will search for phrases, keywords, and dialogue in order to find just the right genre for your book.

Here are two perfect examples for you:

We fed Twilight into the GAG and got:
Juvenile Fantasy
Urban Fantasy
New Age
Kissing Fiction

And for 50 Shades, we got:
Cult Literature
Romance
Autobiography
Parody

As you can see, the GAG was right on the money, both times! So don’t spend anymore time fretting over the best genre categorizations for your novel. Order your GAG today, and get a move on!

Use the GAG as directed. Other uses are not sanctioned by IULabs. Do not insert anything other than manuscripts into the GAG. Not meant to be used while driving or sleeping. Bodily injury, coma, or death may come as a result of improper use. Should a manuscript become lodged within the GAG for more than 4 hours, do not attempt to probe the GAG. Instead, dial the technical support number in your user’s manual. User’s manual sold separately.

RelaXco Marketing Solutions

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by RelaXco Marketing Solutions, formerly known as Division 7 of the CIA.]

Hello authors. Is your book languishing on the shelves while other, less deserving books garner critical acclaim and record sales? Marketing is a tricky business, ill-suited to soulful creative types. The good news is there is now a marketing firm that can actually help you. Established by former government researchers, RelaXco uses proven brain science to help consumers sort through information overload to make the correct purchases.

With our technology unobtrusively positioned within normal-appearing commercial advertisements, not even your competitors will know the reason for your sudden success. It will be our little secret. If you doubt us, just try to come up with another reason Fifty Shades is a bestseller. We’ll look forward to hearing from you soon.

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[Indies Unlimited is made possible in part by the people at Savage Senior Inc., makers of personal protective devices for senior citizens]

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A Word From Ajax Thermal Ports

[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the fine folks at Ajax Thermal Ports]

After the catastrophic design failures associated with the Death Star debacle, thermal ports got a bad reputation, and deservedly so.

Ajax has put together the best engineers in the galaxy to solve these problems and is pleased to introduce our 204-A “petite” line of thermal ports. Though just as efficient at venting plasma gas, the new 204-A is smaller and nearly impossible to hit with proton torpedoes.

Even in the unlikely event of a superficial penetration, we have taken the additional precaution of adding a P trap, to assure projectiles have no straight line to the reactor.

We are sure you’ll be satisfied with our new thermal ports and will join the many who are glad to proclaim, “It’s finally safe to build death stars again!”