Hobo Valley Resort Writer’s Retreat Package

Hobo Valley writers retreat[Indies Unlimited is brought to you in part by the fine folks at Hobo Valley Properties, formerly Toxic Waste Disposal Enterprises.]

Times are hard and money is tight. That’s no reason to forgo a precious and well-earned vacation in the heartland of America’s beautiful wilderness. Situated ideally between the serenity of an Air Force missile testing range and the aromatic wonders of a local hog rendering plant, Hobo Valley has cabins for rent that meet every price range.

Hobo Valley Resort and Spa is a perfect writer’s getaway. With no phones or cellular signals, and very little gunfire coming from the nearby survivalist camp after 10 PM, you’ll find all the peace and quiet you need to complete your masterpiece. They are even offering a special Writer’s Retreat package especially for Indies Unlimited readers! This includes a deluxe room with its own private outhouse, a hotplate, styrofoam ice chest (ice not included), and a complimentary welcome basket containing box of local wine and an assortment of fruits and goodies from this area. You can’t get a deal like this anywhere else! Call today for prices and availability and get to work on your next blockbuster hit!

Fine print: yes, the apostrophe is before the 's' in Writer's Retreat on purpose since we can only take one writer at a time. Rates are per person, single occupancy. We reserve the right to reject any guest upon arrival. A guest damage deposit is required and will be refunded upon departure if you leave the room in better condition than you found it. There is a broom and vacuum cleaner in the closet, just sayin'. Please do not remove the fly strips in the outhouse even if they hit you in the forehead. Not responsible for bedbugs, fleas, or other infestations guests might experience in the room. Enjoy your stay!

Predatory Publisher Seminar by ScamCo.

ScamCo Seminars LogoScammers and predatory publishers cost unsuspecting authors millions of dollars a year. You pay good money up front and a lot of it. In return, you receive nothing but heartache and more invoices. If you let them, these vultures will take you for every dime you have and then some. And then, to top it off, they put out a really crummy product. There has got to be a better way. Continue reading “Predatory Publisher Seminar by ScamCo.”

1001 Bad Ideas

1001 Bad IdeasAre you sick and tired of people ripping off your great ideas and making millions from something you thought of first? If, like hundreds of other people, you are constantly plagued with great ideas, breakthrough thinking, and inspired vision, this book is for you!

It may be impossible to keep people from stealing your ideas, but there is a way to make sure they suffer when they do: have bad ideas instead of good ones. With the multi-billion dollar awards given out by juries in civil cases these days, it just takes one bad idea for karma to come a knockin’.

Of course, you specialize in good ideas. You don’t know where to even begin looking for bad ideas. If only there were some ready-to-use resource. International mega-superstar author Bob Hammond comes to the rescue once again with his latest book, 1001 Bad Ideas.

Skeptical? Let’s have a peek:

#38 Bathtub Toaster: You’re relaxing in a nice bubble bath when you think to yourself, boy, some toast would be really good right now. BUT the toaster is all the way in the kitchen! With the bathtub toaster, you’ll never have to leave the tub again for a bathtime snack!

#157 Adult Incontinence Product with Voice Chip: Wearers of adult incontinence products no longer need fear the risk of infection and embarrassing odors from forgetting to change their garment. Now, with voice-chip technology, whether you’re lounging around the house, playing shuffleboard with friends, or sitting in church, a loud synthetic voice will remind you it is time to change your incontinence product!

#206 Quicksand Kitty Litter: Despite what most kitty litter products claim, they do not get rid of litterbox odors. The only way to eliminate cat odors is to eliminate the cat. Quicksand Kitty Litter: Buh-bye, Puff!

#819 Extreme Adventure Cruise Titanic Reenactment: You’ve seen the movie, but are you ready to live the adventure? Combine fine dining with the adrenaline rush of near-certain death in the icy North Atlantic waters as we actually ram our ship into a giant iceberg! This is an adventure vacation you’re sure to remember if you survive!

And these are just a sample of the truly horrible ideas guaranteed to get intellectual property thieves sued into oblivion. Get your copy today before somebody else beats you to it!

The Genre Analyzing Generator

automated reciprocator
The stylish GAG, shown here in antique chrome

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Here at IULabs, we take pride in creating products designed to help indie authors. It’s all about making life easier and taking your money. And the Genre Analyzing Generator (or GAG) is yet another in a long line of inventions to assist authors in finding their niche and making money!

The great thing about the GAG is how easy it is to use – and how accurate it is! We know it can sometimes be a chore to decide under what genre to classify your magnum opus. Don’t sweat it! Just feed your manuscript into the GAG and it will search for phrases, keywords, and dialogue in order to find just the right genre for your book.

Here are two perfect examples for you:

We fed Twilight into the GAG and got:
Juvenile Fantasy
Urban Fantasy
New Age
Kissing Fiction

And for 50 Shades, we got:
Cult Literature
Romance
Autobiography
Parody

As you can see, the GAG was right on the money, both times! So don’t spend anymore time fretting over the best genre categorizations for your novel. Order your GAG today, and get a move on!

Use the GAG as directed. Other uses are not sanctioned by IULabs. Do not insert anything other than manuscripts into the GAG. Not meant to be used while driving or sleeping. Bodily injury, coma, or death may come as a result of improper use. Should a manuscript become lodged within the GAG for more than 4 hours, do not attempt to probe the GAG. Instead, dial the technical support number in your user’s manual. User’s manual sold separately.